Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in vocalgrrl's LiveJournal:

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Friday, November 20th, 2009
11:22 pm	Proposal revised again Heard from my mentor/ dissertation chair unexpectedly today. He was pissy about the department chair's comments on my proposal. Mostly it was minor tweaky stuff, no big deal. He thought the chair was attacking the qualitative assumptions, but I thought he just wanted those assumptions clarified. Shouldn't take more than an hour's work. Let's hope I get it done soon! (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 12th, 2009
12:16 pm	Capella U One thing I have noticed as I have trained to teach at other online schools is that no one meets the standard set by Capella. The library resources are unmatched, the support is easy to find and actually helpful, and the professors are outstanding. The academic standards are higher than anywhere else I have worked with, including the school of professional psychology. One component of each training has been dealing with difficult students: those who don't participate, those who dominate the conversation, those who insult each other or make discriminatory statements about other groups. Three and a half years at Capella, with a very diverse, international student body, I never once encountered any behavior like this. Either Capella is more selective than anyone else, or they set and enforce a higher standard than anyone else. Part of my difficulty teaching has been downshifting from graduate expectations to undergraduate, but the other part of the difficulty is just seeing behavior that was never evident at Capella. I am so glad I chose Capella U. I got an excellent education and can feel proud of the standards of academic behavior set by that school. Plus I got to go to school in my jammies! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
9:58 pm	long overdue update I have been trying to facebook, really, but it is so brief and superficial that it leaves me unsatisfied. It's like dating, fun, but ultimately not as intimate as a real relationship. School related updates: Was switched to a new mentor in July. The old one was ill, so they found someone in New Zealand to take me and one other woman. So far not bad, though communication is slow. By the time he gets my email, it is 17 hours later. Got my dissertation committee approved in late Aug, just as the quarter was ending. My mentor approved my proposal for a dissertation and sent it to the department chair today. Once it is approved, I work on IRB approval. Work related updates: I have taught two classes for DePaul's School of New Learning Online. So fun! No one registered for the family violence class, so that never happened. I have put that idea on hold for now. I start a class for Kaplan University in Dec. I am trained and hired to teach at the University of the Rockies, but nothing is scheduled yet. Two more schools are interested, but have been slow to respond. One wants to know if I am available next August! I am learning that academic schedules are s*l*o*w. I am still getting unemployment (not making enough to kick me off yet). Financially, I am better off - more money in the bank, all credit cards paid off - than when I was working. I must have spent way more money working than I was conscious of. It's crazy how much money I have saved up this past year. I am still loving being at home. Rik and I have a good rhythm of together and alone that we have not yet begun to irritate each other. There are four computers for the two of us, so that's never a problem. We sell some stuff on eBay, go estate sale shopping, hang out, whatever, sometimes even clean something! It's been great. Life is good. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
9:54 am	ug I am hoping I never see my comps exams again. I should know by Tuesday next week if I am rewriting or not. The last four weeks were intense, writing every day, while trying to plan Rik's 50th birthday at the same time. I'm pretty sure it was me that suggested his out of town relatives - mom, bro and s-i-l - sleep over from his birthday to Mother's Day. What a stupid idea! It meant cleaning the whole house, not just the visitor portions. In the middle of Comps. That was as close to a fight as Rik and I ever get. Exhausting on top of stupid. That Monday, he took off and went to WI to open the cabin for the summer. Which left me alone to finish up. I was done by Thursday, so I guess that worked. I also had a talk to plan for 5/18, which needed a lot of prep, and I am in a training class for DePaul. I think I took on too much during comps. In good news, I will be teaching at DePaul's online Adult education program in June (assuming I pass the training class). I will be teaching a class on Family Violence at one of the City Colleges of Chicago in June as well (assuming anyone registers). I am thrilled to be teaching online; it combines actual teaching with sitting in my pajamas at home! I am more ambivalent about the classroom teaching. Three hours is a long time to fill, plus the travel is a pain, and wearing a bra. :-) I have gotten a little spoiled being out of work. Monday this week I came up with another research idea. Twice now I have talked to a service provider group about the lifelong impact of being a female child sex abuse survivor, including increased risks to the of abuse (by others) to the children. While I was talking about possible mechanisms for this, it occurred to me it might be developmental. Abuse survivors are not allowed to complete the developmental task of learning that they can protect themselves and make decisions about what happens to them. With that task incomplete, they do not have the instincts to protect themselves from later risky situations, or never learned that they could. Nor do they recognize the risks to their children. They simply never finished that developmental task. I don't have the faintest idea how one would prove such a hypothesis, but perhaps an exploration of how DV perpetrators pick their victims will help. A follow up study of sex offenders (after my dissertation) might make a good companion study .... and eventual book. Then book two could be on how survivors of abuse can learn to protect themselves again. Make no small plans. :-D (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
2:53 pm	Ok, so even without the help of you-know-who-you-are, I have two teaching job nibbles. One of the City Colleges of Chicago runs an open adult ed section, where anyone can apply to teach a class. So, I applied and we are meeting next week to discuss a June thru August class on Family Violence Dynamics. Actual teaching experience! I am waiting patiently to talk to the DePaul School of New Learning Online program, who is interested in having me teach a short psychology class this summer. This would be online teaching experience, which I am very interested in. Being home these last four months has been so much fun, teaching online seems like a perfect way to make a little money while I work on my dissertation and play with my husband. :) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
8:30 pm	Taking the mentor plunge! It has been unnecessarily hard to find a mentor. I write someone who is listed in the bios (it seems rude to write to more than one at a time, what if they all accept?) and that person writes back, sorry, no time or memorably, sorry, I don't work there any more. So, frustrated, I write my adviser and ask who is available. She gets someone to send me a list of the six mentors (out of thirty something listed in the bios!) who are actually available in April. Sadly, they mostly quantitative people and mine will have to be a qualitative study. So I pick the three most likely, put in the request form and wah lah, I have finished the mentor search. Now I just wait to see who will pick me. But why the department does not simply distribute a list of mentors who are available for the coming quarters is beyond me. I also found some job searching seminars on Capella's website. I signed up for Adjunct job hunting and on-line career opportunities. I am also scheduled for Interview assessment (with video tape) at the placement service. I don't worry so much about my verbal skills, but I know I have a nervous tic that could stand some work. Nuf said. I also did some actual paid work today. I went to the Battered Women's Network to do the two hour piece on Safety Planning. $120 bucks for two hours work is not bad at all. I also set up three more trainings for the next two months, so that is some money coming in. We also made $50 on eBay this week, so more stuff is going up tonight. Check me out at selling_stuff_acct on eBay. (Rik picked the boring name). The world of Networking is beginning to make sense to me. Someone who used to work for me is LinkedIn and she knows the Manager of Instructional Design at Kaplan. Now I just have to overcome my dislike of asking for help and ask for an introduction. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 15th, 2008
9:41 pm	after finals My last class is over. This feels like a milestone, even if there is a long way to go from here. I did not get as much out of it as I could have or should have, simply because I did not put much into it. Just enough to slide by, but not enough to really move forward. I have a lot of unanswered questions about my research design. I really should make it a goal to get answers before the Colloquium. Since I have to pay for the thing anyway, I might as well be as prepared as possible, to really make it worth my while. In the meantime, I'm all alone this week, probably until Friday. The boyfriend went up to our summer place, only to find it had been broken into and all the booze stolen. Even the Old Style. How desperate can the thieves be? They kindly did not break any stuff or wreck any furniture, so I guess it could have been worse, but it makes me queazy anyway. I am by nature a city person, and all that open space - with a very part time police force - makes me nervous on a good day. I'll be extra skittish up there now. Wedding plans are rolling. Caterer is secured, and the plans for the event are shaping up. I even have a guest list, as painful as that was. I'm related to a whole lot of people, many of whom I do not like. So I bit the bullet and decided not to invite them. If I don't like them, why do I care what they think? Well, I don't for my own sake, I just don't want people complaining to my mother about it. Work is in a holding pattern, with everyone holding their breath, hoping the state legislators reverse their devastating cuts to social services. They cut the funding for substance abuse treatment in half. It seems the depth of immorality to me, to balance the budget on the backs of those least able to defend themselves, just because the monkey in the white house is hemorrhaging money in Iraq. Guess they missed the part where Jesus talked about caring for the least us. Fascist Hypocrites. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 8th, 2008
11:03 pm	quick update The summer is flying by. Wedding site is confirmed, and so is the judge. Have to work on the caterer and the cake. And i need a friend to do the music. I wish Brian the K was in the country, he'd be great, but he's in Hong Kong, seemingly indefinitely. On the cat front, I have two beloved cats, named Hubble and Herschel after famous astronomers. It is also fun that Hubble has a space telescope named after him, one that makes the news on a regular basis. Now Herschel will have her own space telescope, the largest ever. Herschel is the cat pic on this post; Hubble is the black and white cat in my default pic. I know this makes me an enormous geek, but I am tickled that soon my cats will both be represented in space, the first and the largest. What could be more fun? School is going well, though my grades aren't as high as they could be. I am organizing a list of references not on line for searching at a local U library tomorrow. [Later edit: The library sucks 1985 ass.] This is week five all of a sudden. How the hell did that happen?? I have to apply for a mentor next. I decided to attend my last colloquium in October, in Lansdowne, VA. This means I can pay for the trip with the remainder of the student loan from this quarter, and be able to start the comprehensive exams in January. Then I won't be six months behind. I'll only be two weeks behind, because I am taking a nice long honeymoon. :-) On the honeymoon front, we have decided on a cruise, in the Caribbean. But where and when is yet to be decided. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 20th, 2008
4:05 pm	ahh, that's better I got a few things on the list done, most especially cleaning the pantry. We also have an appointment to finalize the wedding site, finally. I hope to finalize the catering contract this week as well. I also am closer that ever to having a definite idea of what I want to do with my mammoth dissertation topic. I have been playing with the idea of a case review of hazing reports made to organizations such as the National Fraternity Association and police departments. I am envisioning a qualitative evaluation of concepts that arise out of the reports that are sexual behaviors and sexual language. This left me without a link to violence against women, however, something I dearly would like to include. But if I include in the analysis a search for language that is derogatory to women as well (calling each other bitches or pussies as an insult) I can at least develop the beginnings of a link. Attitudes toward women can be predictive of violence against women. It would be a start, anyway. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
6:55 pm	Yikes The summer is flying by. I got another long weekend up north with the boyfriend this past weekend, this time for my birthday (Sat). Class just started Monday the 7th, so getting caught up to take the weekend off wasn't hard. Only one class this summer, but it is a good one. Advanced Research Methods. With the professor I interviewed for my very first class two years ago. Nicely circular. She claims that she has never, in all her years of teaching this class (her favorite and she wrote most of it) heard of a dissertation topic in my area of interest. Which is great, because I want to make a splash, and terrible, because there is no literature out there to guide me, nor a community of scholars out there for me to join. Over the weekend, I took with me the assorted pdfs of studies I had saved toward my literature review or for a class (I am a geek). I sorted them by category and started pulling relevant references out for further research. You should have seen the pout on the boyfriend when I said I brought homework! LOL What a lip. I found the beginning of a dissertation (from Jan, 2007) on fraternity hazing that nicely summarizes why there is no research literature on hazing activities. What I have is clearly the first two chapters, however, so I have to find the rest. Likewise, I have a small paper on a piece of a bigger study done in a high school that just happened to be under investigation when a very sexual hazing took place on campus. The paper I have is on that incident and the community response to it. Let's just say, the research called the quarterback's penis a "key symbol" of masculinity. LOL, duh! I also need to find the rest of that study. Somehow, I also need to focus on relevant literature. I still find myself reading stuff that isn't on my topic, but is interesting to me anyway, which is just about anything on violence against women and children. It wastes a lot of time and is very distracting. But the weekend wasn't all work. We did our usual bit to pump some money into the local economy (shopped and went garage saleing). My parents came up for my birthday, so we went to dinner that night and did some sightseeing the next day. Monday, we went canoing again, this time with me in back. The first time we went, I sat in front, and the boyfriend criticized my technique, my speed and my posture the whole trip (not fun). For me, the whole point of canoing is to paddle. That's the part I enjoy. So this time, I gave him the front and let him steer. Then I could just power paddle to my heart's content. Oh, and the boyfriend gave me a personalized paddle for my birthday! From the back, I could see the problem, because now he was dipping his paddle too deep, rocking the boat and paddling too hard. Clearly, the front seat is the problem. :-) For sightseeing, we went to the Delton formerly known as Lake. If you haven't seen this scene yet, it is something to see. We just walked down into what used to be a lake, and walked around to the side where the breach occurred. It is really quite extraordinary. There are a lot of disaster tourists making the same trip, plus the area needs the money, so don't be shy, go see it! Meanwhile, no progress has been made on house, wedding or Gods help me diet. There's always next week, right? (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 5th, 2008
11:56 am	Break is almost over and.... Nothing. I got almost nothing done. I read a book a day while at the cabin up north, all fiction, nothing serious. I have been goofing off at home too. My desk is still a mess, no wedding plans have been made. We did clean the garage, that really needed to be done. Got out to see a movie, read a lot of fiction. I have been at my library every week to stock up on books. Since the suburban libraries are all linked, I have ordered some text books for my dissertation research (mostly bad) and a bunch for honeymoon planning (pick up on Monday). I have not done anything else on my extensive list. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 15th, 2008
12:51 pm	break plans! First: get away for a long weekend next weekend. Wedding stuff: caterer; finalize the hall; figure out pictures; organize CDs for the music; find party favors; meet with the judge. House stuff: clean the desk (yikes!); clean and organize the pantry (double yikes!); get some stuff on Craiglist and eBay to sell; clean bookshelves and donate books; refinish an antique ashtray that is languishing in the basement. School stuff: get to a university library; do searches on-line to firm up methodology; start on lit review; organize computer files. Personal stuff: exercise; diet; keep up with a journal and SparkPeople. That ought to keep me out of trouble. :-D Plus, with only one class to keep me occupied next quarter, even if I don't finish, I should have time to get stuff done. (Comment on this)
12:41 pm	two years done.... Just one class to go. Goddess it has flown by. I just turned in my last paper for this quarter. Next quarter I am registered for Advanced Research Methods, which should finish with a completed methodology form for my own personal dissertation. *gulp* To give this quarter credit, the Research Methods class gave me a chance to do some systematic literature searches, which has set me on the right path to finding similar research to my intended topic. In fact, some days, I got so caught up with searching I didn't get my homework done. :-) I also got a chance to consider a completely different methodology, one that might let me get close to my original vision. I have some research to do during this break to evaluate how possible it might be. If I can get access to records of hazing activities in various organizations - schools, frats, police departments, maybe military - I could do a case study analysis of the sexual content of the reported activities. But this is a big IF, one that bears investigating before I commit to it. It would give me the cross-group design I want, so it is worth some thought and time. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 9th, 2008
7:57 am	The boyfriend is so smart. He's going out of town for finals week. And he is taking his father, so I am not even tempting to want to go. :-P (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 7th, 2008
6:00 pm	woof I have been holding on, just barely. Flirting with falling completely behind, and catching up at the last minute. Now I have just one week to get my papers written and turned in, as well as finish the regular work. In this sense, I am completely behind, because I have not even started the papers. I keep intending too, but I have not felt well this week. But like it or not, here they come. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
10:14 pm	word to the Universe Today, I officially told the Universe, in the form of an old friend, that I am looking for a new job. Work has been too nuts lately, and many of the things I valued at my place of work are gone. Basically, my boss is mad at me because our intake numbers were down this year, and somehow, I am supposed to have fixed this. In the last two weeks. And I am supposed to be an administrator, when she has never asked me to do this, ever. At first I thought that she was upset because I wasn't stepping up to take on responsibilities for a position I don't have yet, but no, she thinks I am not doing responsibilities that I should have been doing all along, but have never been part of my job before. Confused? Me too. All I know is she keeps calling me on Friday afternoons to yell incomprehensible things at me (e.g. "you just aren't getting it" without explaining what 'it' is) and ruining my weekend. And yesterday she strongly implied that she and her boss thought my offer to help her with her workload was 'laughable' because I am not doing my job, let alone anyone else's. Which hurt my feelings, a lot. Since right now, and for the forseeable future, I am expected to do my job and another full time job which they won't let me hire for, because there is no money. So I am expected to be an administrator, get the court project numbers up, run the volunteer program and do all the speaking engagements as well. Which leaves me with no time to do anything I enjoy. Which just might be the plan. So this sucks, and doesn't look like it is getting any better soon. And no promotion either (for other reasons, not because she is mad at me). Another manager got her promotion, which meant supervising four new therapists on top of her original three, and is still doing her old job (though she was promised that someone else would be given some of those responsibilities) and is only getting $60 more a month. I am not at all sure it is worth this kind of grief for $720 more a year. So fuck it, I'll look around, see what is out there. Can't hurt, anyway. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 2nd, 2008
4:13 pm	so uninspired It's week 4 this quarter and I am so uninspired. Research is mildly interesting, and is allowing me to do some literature searching for my dissertation idea. I even have had some mild success finding relevant articles. This is exciting. I have figured out what Cognitive/Affective class is about. It is about cognitive functions -- memory, thought, perception -- and affective functions - emotions. The readings are very interesting and challenging, but the discussion questions are very basic. Compare and contrast stuff. Very undergraduate, if I may. It is hard to work up enthusiasm for the day to day work. Life is moving too quickly. It is May already, and so much of the wedding planning is still not done. Nor have I lost any weight. :-P Plans for a promotion and raise are on hold. The other director, with whom I was trading about responsibilities, is not happy with the proposed changes. So now we get to have meetings, her, me, our boss, and our boss' boss. Joy. All for a change that simply will not be possible until someone realizes that the position that has been open for a year now is the pivotal point for the change, and has to be filled, hiring freeze or no. Truth is, I'm bored at work. I was looking forward to the change, to have a new challenge to take on, and now I don't even have that. I'm scrambling around to do my job and the open job, but that isn't the same as taking on a new challenge, delving into a new issue or solving something no one else has. Trying to do my job and the Outreach job just sucks, and neither gets done well. Which doesn't help my morale at all. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
9:03 pm	off to a rousing start I did eventually get going on my classes. :-) I am all caught up and even a little ahead of schedule, because we are going out of town this weekend, and when we stay at the cabin, there is no wifi. We are lucky if we get the stray cell signal. There are no wifi spots closer to us than the Dells, which is about a half hour drive. It is nice to get away from it all, but it does take some prep for me to take three days off classes. My catastrophe of the week was losing the charge in my Palm Pilot so low it reset itself and erased the memory. Argh! I had last backed-up in February, so I didn't lose my address book, but I did lose all my upcoming appointments. Here's hoping I can recreate them from notes and not have to email every one I work with and ask them to tell me what they wanted me to do this month and when. :-P I bought the Palm when I got my last promotion, five years ago. It is interesting that this one is dying just weeks before the next promotion. Have a great weekend all! (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 12th, 2008
1:47 pm	hmmm... I'm not sure what is going on, but I'm sitting here at my computer, trying to get started on my classes (which I should have started Wednesday) and making no progress. Maybe I don't feel ready because I haven't backed up my old classes onto disk, or moved the textbooks, or typed up my notes from the Colloquium. Maybe I should do those things anyway and see if it helps inspire me..... ;-) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 5th, 2008
5:06 pm	Quiet time Not that it looks that way from the outside. I had a hectic week at work. One early morning police training and major screwups by co-workers around another training we were supposed to be doing together. Let's just say I made the mistake of trusting someone else to be organized and on top of things, and she wasn't. So I have to scramble around and fix what she screwed up. Sadly for my agency, she will be taking over our public outreach program at the end of the month. If she can't keep a schedule or get her people to follow one, our outreach is going to suffer mightily. But it is no longer my concern. At the end of the month, I will be Director of Advocacy for domestic violence and sexual assault. I am looking forward to this, although I now fear that in giving up outreach, it won't be done as well as I do it. I will just keep repeating, not my problem, not my problem, not my problem. Since the agency has no Outreach Coordinator for domestic violence right now for me to supervise, it really isn't my problem. I can't do everything. Um, ok, I could do everything, but I am not willing to do that much for a job where I make less than a garbage hauler. I can't seem to impress on the administration that good outreach equals donations, so if they lose public support and the money that it brings, not my problem. I have wonderful, challenging problems of my own to tackle. Classes officially start Monday. The schedule looks intense, and more interesting than statistics. 'Bout time too. I'm taking Cognitive/Affective psychology and basic research methods. When I figure out what "cognitive/affective" means, I'll let you know. It looks as if we will be experimenting on ourselves, however creepy that sounds. So with all this, why am I having a quiet weekend? Thursday night, the boyfriend got a nasty stomach flu and has been out of it ever since. Yesterday, I got home in time for a two hour conference call, then had the rest of the night to myself to putter around. He is a bit more lively today, but not by much. So I started one of my favorite semi-annual chores, cleaning out my jewelry box. This may not sound like an all day chore, but my jewelry box is 3 feet tall with ten drawers and twenty hanging hooks. And that does not include the regular size jewelry box where I keep the 'costume' jewelry for cons, or the small, hidden box where I keep the good stuff. I make a lot of my own jewelry, so what can be recycled goes back into the jewelry making stuff and what can't I give away. I have a lot of vintage earrings that I am reluctant to give away, but I no longer wear. Not sure what to do with those. As usual, I have made little progress on my break list. I was hoping to clean the garage when it got nice, but today is as nice a day as we've had in five months, and the boyfriend is sick. So I'll stick to puttering. (1 Comment |Comment on this)